19.5.08

吵吵鬧鬧

有人說,吵吵鬧鬧也是溝通的一種方式,甚至是表達愛的一種方式。有人認為,「若我不着緊你,罵也懶得去罵。」這是我父母最愛用的溝通方式,他們就是這樣子溝通了大半輩子。

上星期四和朋友看了套喜劇《一夜賭城戀大咗》。片中男女角在Las Vegas 旅遊,喝醉時結了婚,更中了大獎,醒後要求離婚分獎金不果,更被法官判兩人必須在同一屋簷下生活半年,並努力改善夫妻關係。兩人經常吵吵鬧鬧,更出盡法寶令對方不能履行法官的判決指示,好讓他們能因而提早離婚,並使對方不能分到獎金。至於故事結局,講明是喜劇,當然是二人「吵出真情」,開心收場。

年青時還會和一些朋友吵吵鬧鬧,也會大發脾氣;不知是否因工作做過客戶服務的關係,學會了EQ控制,不開心也不能吵吵鬧鬧,只能悶在心裡,或是"放 pair";再者,發脾氣又點?不會幫得上忙,加上家人常常說我脾氣大,想發個脾氣也不敢。現在家人說我的脾氣是比以前好了,但我的心情卻沒能像以前放鬆。今天看報紙,有段報導說強顏歡笑可致抑鬱,不知若悶在心裡也會否致抑鬱?

真想有個自己的空間,做什麼也不需理人感受,只需向自己交代

13.5.08

Anger of the Buddha / Nature

Buddha's birthday holiday. Sickness. Then it came the earthquake.

4:XX pm, 13 May: Received a message from a friend far far away in mainland China, asking me whether I felt the earthquake in Sichuan. Level 7.8. It's an unfamiliar number to me. All I could do to get myself an idea of what it was about, was to relate it to the Tangshan earthquake in 1976. It was exactly level 7.8.

Returned home and saw the T.V. The earthquake was such a terrible and big disaster. More than 5,000 people died and the number was still increasing. My father said it is the anger of Buddha.

Then my brain came the words an uncle told me sometime ago. He said there's a prophet who accurately predicted Tsunami back to 2004 (he told the Indonesian government before the Tsunami came, but the government said there's nothing they can do if it would be real, then the Tsunami came and killed thousands of people) said, there'll be many big disasters in 2008 in Asia in Japan, China. Many people will die. the predictor even also predicted that 2008 Olympic would not be able to happen.

A sleepless night. All my sensation were so strange, so light yet so heavy, clumsy but clear. Don't know whether it's due to the sickness or the earthquake.

woke up in the morning at 6:XXam and I started to write this. besides me is a book I got from a friend on "year fortune telling" by Yeung Tin Ming. checked what he predict about China this year, shockingly, he wrote in his book that this year China will have big disasters like earthquake or big explosion, happens in the central part of the land, such as Sichuen or Yuennan. Unbelievable! both of them already happened!

Somehow I know the inner story of how this book was written (I can't tell here what exactly it is), still I think...oh, does the god/ the nature chose someone to speak of his words, even the speaker himself is unconscious about it?! So from the moment of all of us born, our destiny were already planned by the hands of the god?

Still can't fully believe in this fortune telling thing, I'd rather believe this is a little "revenge" or lesson offered by the nature. human always take advantage of the nature, when time comes, we have to pay the price back, harshly. This earthquake is a showcase of how powerless we are over the nature when she is angry.

I wish the predictor would be wrong about what's going to be happened as they predicted, and wish everyone could live well, until the end of the world.

7.5.08

愛與性

有時世事就是這麼奇妙。當你苦苦追尋某些事或真相而總不得知,上天就會給你一些線索。

最近一直在意自己對男女關係和性的價值觀是否出了問題,亦對現時很多這方面的現象有很多疑問。今天給我在未來妹夫開的漫畫店中找到這本書--《相約在九龍》(九龍で会いましょう),給了我一點啟示。

這是一本好幾年前出版的漫畫,由柴門文所畫。內容圍繞兩對情侶,其中pair 1都是日本人,pair 2女方是香港人,男方是生日本人。pair 1的男是個專一而內向的男子,他的女友和在同一公司工作,卻和他的已婚上司有染。Pair 2的男子是很多港人心目中的typical日本男人--多情又隨便,爰拈花惹草;女的是香港人--精明能幹,有點拜金主義,感情和性觀念上都專一而保守。作者巧妙地設計了各人性格、背景和兩對情侶間的關係,使整個故事處處充滿對比和張力:兩個男人/女人對男女關係/性的價值,香港女人和日本女人性格和工作態度的差異,香港人和日本人性、拍拖、男女關係、婚姻的等等觀念的分別和文化差異等。

現在的人都開放了很多,認識了不久便有性關係,亦有人純粹是為了性四處找尋對象。性開放的背後原因是單純為了肉體上的歡愉,還是學某朋友所說的「現在的人都要試過性才決定和不和一個人發展情侶關係(因為性事上合不合得來,很直接決定到二人較長遠關係能不能維持)」?柴門文透過她筆下創作的人物描述她的觀察到的一些原因。其中多情又隨便的東鄉(日本人,男)的想法是:「我也是在追求真愛的。只是,也有些愛也是幹過之後才真正了解的吧?......我也有我自己尋找真正戀人的做法。」「對愛充滿渴求,於是跟各種女人交往。愈是跟好們交往,愈是不明白什麼是愛。不知何時開始,變得只可以接近那些有性無愛的女人。」薰(日本人,女)和男友上司有染背後的原因是:「我的病,是無論怎樣真心愛一個男人,我的身體也會繼續出賣自己。」「我是...慾望很深...而又不夠堅毅的人...我已經試過很多次想改變的了...但是總改不了。」又或是如Jasmine(香港人,女)罵好男友東鄉時所說:「只要有點寂寞就逃到其他女人那兒去...」

反正現在的人無論對愛與性的想法、行為的背後原因都比以前複雜了很多(又也許是本人太過頭腦簡單),理也未必理得明,也唯有隨緣隨意,還有相信Jasmine,也相信是柴門文的想法:只要有愛在,什麼困難也能克服。(但願愛的信念夠強)

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以下是一些有關《相約在九龍》書或電視集的資料:
http://www.discoverhongkong.com/jpn/news/kowloon/(日文)
http://www.tv-asahi.co.jp/kowloon/(日文)
http://tv.info.china.com.cn/intro2.asp?id=62084 (中文,電視集劇情介紹)